An Ontario Court has ruled that a man who had unprotected sex after agreeing to wear a condom committed sexual assault because his behaviour invalidated his sexual partner's consent.

This is a win for Canada and a win for consent culture!

Read the full article by CBC here.

Sex is a leading reason why relationships fail.

Why?

Because you don’t know what you’re doing.

But why would you?

Did you take a course? Did you join a program?  Do you have a master’s degree in sexuality?  If you’re like most, probably not.  And even if you did, no amount of formal training would negate the fundamental truth that every body is completely different.

The only way to truly master the art of sex is to set aside your ego, clear the slate and communicate openly with your partner.

1. Ask questions.
2. Listen Intently without Ego.
3. Practice.
4. Repeat.

But that’s not as easy as it sounds.  Asking questions is admitting that you don’t know the answers.  But here’s a newsflash…neither does anyone else.

Because we’re all different.  And what works for one may not work for many.

But what if I told you that mastering the art of sex is just like learning how to swim?

You have an expert coach and mentor on deck.  That’s your partner.  You can ask your coach any question about swimming because they are the SME (subject matter expert).  After hearing the lesson, you dip a toe in the pool.  Try treading water.  You learn the dog paddle.  Maybe you make a few mistakes along the way.  But you keep asking questions.  And before you know it, you’ve entered a swim meet, you’re doing the butterfly and your coach is loudly cheering you on as you expertly cross the finish line wet, glistening and out of breath.

And, regardless of who is the coach and who is the student, you both have an important role to play.  You are equally responsible for achieving a positive outcome.  And you should both practice playing each role.

As the student, you must let go of your ego and embrace your fears.  Accept that you don’t know how to swim and listen to your coach.  Otherwise, your EGO will get the best of you and you’ll either avoid swimming altogether or you’ll jump right into the deep end and look like a flailing, sputtering, drowned rat.   Once you’ve truly embraced that you don’t know what you’re doing because every body is different, you’re ready for your first lesson.  It starts with an ask.  What do you like?  What feels good?  How would you like me to do that?

Ask.  Listen. Practice. Repeat.

Don’t judge.  Don’t criticize.

And as the coach, you are responsible for designing the lesson plan (like a desire map) and communicating it in an honest and loving way.  You could provide feedback like “I love it when you…”, or “I appreciate that you do……………. but it just isn’t for me”, or “I was reading about…”.

Create safe space

Don’t judge.  Don’t criticize.

And in the words of one of my favorite authors, Esther Perel, consider this… “The myth that sex is natural has done harm to so many people because it presumes that you should just know rather than the fact that it is something that we learn to appreciate…to experience…we cultivate it.  It’s an art.  And if we think it should just happen naturally…then we remain ignorant.” ~ Perel, Esther “I’ve had better” Where Should We Begin (podcast) https://www.estherperel.com/podcast

And, the answer is...
Consensual non-monogamists have higher levels of sexual satisfaction with their primary partner than Monogamists. And Polyamorists have significantly higher sexual satisfaction and higher rates of orgasm.

Read the full article here: "Monogamy vs Non Mongamy: Who is more Sexually Satisfied"

HOPE is on the horizon. The 116th Congress is the most diverse in US history with more than 100 women sworn in (a new record) as well as representatives from diverse ethnic, spiritual and LGBTQ backgrounds!

Click here to read the full article.

Aretha Franklin. The queen of soul. A powerful voice. A musical icon for civil rights and the women's movement. A catalyst for change. Thank you for giving me R-E-S-P-E-C-T. RIP. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FOUqQt3Kg0 

It's terrifying to think that at 6pm (PST) tonight, the United States will pick a new conservative Supreme Court Judge that could affect the rights of women for an entire generation. A woman's right to choose and the historic "Roe V Wade" now hangs in the balance under an administration that has shown blatant disregard for women, children, diversity, freedom, compassion, human rights, and more.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roe_v._Wade

If you're travelling to Australia, beware of HTLV - 1, deemed the cousin to HIV.  HTLV - 1 causes a myriad of very serious health problems, including diseases of the nervous system and a lung-damaging condition called bronchiectasis.  And like HIV, it also weakens the immune system.

For full story, click here​. 

if you are in a Polyamorous relationship that includes co-habitation, the outcome of the recent Blackmore case could affect you. Know the law and understand your rights.

Blackmore was found GUILTY of Polygamy on the grounds that he was found to be in a celestial marriage - a secretive, plural marriage not registered with any higher government.

His common-law/cohabitation status was the critical point that resulted in him being found guilty of polygamy - NOT social and cultural ills commonly associated.

This is a Canadian case and if registered, sets a precedent.

Vancouver Sun Article - "Blackmore welcomes being found guilty..."

Here’s the full text of Criminal Code (R.S.C., 1985, c. C-46), Section 293:

(1) Every one who (a) practises or enters into or in any manner agrees or consents to practise or enter into (i) any form of polygamy, or (ii) any kind of conjugal union with more than one person at the same time, whether or not it is by law recognized as a binding form of marriage, or (b) celebrates, assists or is a party to a rite, ceremony, contract or consent that purports to sanction a relationship mentioned in subparagraph (a)(i) or (ii), is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding five years.

(2) Where an accused is charged with an offence under this section, no averment or proof of the method by which the alleged relationship was entered into, agreed to or consented to is necessary in the indictment or on the trial of the accused, nor is it necessary on the trial to prove that the persons who are alleged to have entered into the relationship had or intended to have sexual intercourse..

Giving great head involves more than just staying power, good rhythm and an infallible gag reflex. Knowing how to read your partner, what to do to him, and when to do it can make all the difference.

Here are a few ins and outs of oral sex for him – otherwise known as felatio, that are sure to enhance his pleasure, and yours:

If you’re new to giving head, or are blessed with a male partner that has the uncanny ability to be able to last and last and last, be sure to get in a comfortable position.  One of the most comfortable positions for giving head is to have him sit on a chair, couch or other piece of furniture at similar height while you kneel on a pillow in front of him.  This gives you the advantage of having full control.  You can easily manoeuvre, change pace, and most importantly, look up at him with lustful eyes while he succumbs to the pleasure you are giving him.  This position will also allow you to be most comfortable so that you can really enjoy pleasuring your partner.  If you’re more comfortable, he’ll be sure to notice your new found longevity, and all the benefits of you being in control.

There are actually four key pleasure points that you can focus on that will blow his mind while giving your partner a blow job – the head (also known as the crown), the shaft, the scrotum (balls), and the often forgotten anus.  For most men, the greatest amount of pleasure is felt in the head of the penis, not the shaft.  This is why many men enjoy the sensation of deep throating…it’s because the head of the penis is hitting the back of your throat.  Be sure to use your hands, lips and most importantly your tongue to lavish him.  Use your hands to stroke the shaft while you use your tongue to massage the head.  Trace your tongue in a circular motion around his head, now, change it up by making figure eights and finally, blow his mind by deep throating and allowing the head of his penis to touch the back of your throat.  If you’re not comfortable with deep throating, you can achieve a similar effect by thrusting the head into the side wall of your mouth/cheek.  They often can’t tell the difference in the heat of the moment.

Giving good head doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to swallow.  If you are adverse to swallowing, here are a few techniques that you can use to let him enjoy his grand finale.

1.  Let him cum on your body.  Most men only produce about one teaspoon of ejaculate so you don’t have to worry too much about the mess.  Try letting him cum on your breasts, navel area, back, buttocks, or any other sexy and creative place you can think of.  It’s alot sexier than having him cum in a towel.  But, if you’re going to let him cum on your face, keep your eyes closed.  Ejaculate can sting.

2. Plan ahead with good eating habits.  The old saying of “garbage in, garbage out” rings true when giving good head.  If you can sneak a little bit of pineapple or citrus fruit into his diet, it can often make all the difference in the taste of the ejaculate.  If possible, have him reduce his intake of foods like asparagus, caffeine and red meat a few hours before.

3. Get past the taste buds.   If you want to swallow, but really don’t like the taste, the trick is to simply get him to ejaculate past the taste buds.  The taste buds end at about the half way point on your tongue so if he ejaculates when he’s deeper in your mouth, you shouldn’t even taste it.

The secret to deep throating is being relaxed.  The more relaxed you are, the wider you will be able to open up the throat and avoid the gag reflex.  If you’re new to deep throating, you’re probably going to gag the first few times.  But don’t give up.  This is perfectly normal.  Learning to deep throat is just like working out a new muscle.  It takes practice over time to get it into shape.  Start off by having your partner give you a soothing massage to get you in the mood.  Then, when you’re ready, have him sit on a chair while you kneel on a pillow in front of him.  This gives you the complete control and flexibility to take your time and experiment at the pace that’s most comfortable for you.  Try a few play sessions like this and eventually, you should be able to extend the amount of time that you are able to deep throat.  At first, you may only be able to do it for a few seconds, then, maybe a minute, but with practice, you can become seasoned at deep throating and will blow his mind.

Anytime you are learning a new sex technique, honest, open communication in a positive manner is critical.  Keep in mind that the sex techniques provided here are simply guidelines to get you started.  But to really take your sexy adventures to the next level, you need to talk to each other.  Everybody is different and sometimes, what works for one person, may not work for another.  Ask your partner what they enjoy.  And, while you’re in the heat of the moment, get them to give you sexy signals and sounds that let you know you’re doing something they really love.   And remember, we’re not born sex experts, but communication, exploration and having an open mind will go a long way to getting you there in your own relationship.

While watching the show “Foursome” on the Playboy Channel the other day, I came across an incredibly hot new product that I had ever heard of or seen before. Before my eyes, two very sexy ladies demo’d what looked like a new high tech style of rocking horse with two dildos protruding out of the seat.

The two ladies faced each other and made out while one of the guys used the handle at the front to gently rock them back and forth on their dildos until they came.  It was incredibly hot!  And remember, given my background, not a lot phases me but this particular product really got our attention. 

If you’ve ever had a fantasy of watching two girls play, this is definitely the way to go.  Throw out the strap-ons and double ended dildos and make room for the Monkey Rocker Tango.

The only downfall is the price.  I researched the product and found their website which is www.monkeyrocker.com.  The classic Monkey Rocker (which is for solo play only…ie. one dildo) retails for $800 USD.  The Monkey Rocker Tango (two dildos for simultaneous play) retails for around $1500 USD….ughh!